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Clack Clack Clack Ting

My creativity seems to be most potent when I have something else to do. To phrase it better, I would say that I am more motivated to write when I am actually not able to write. My brain uses its potential for creative thought, especially when I am not able to sit down any and actually write. I use my phone for shorthand notes. I think we call it procrastination. It’s a productivity technique. One where you get stuff done by procrastinating on something else. I had been holding back on cleaning out the garage it kept going until it was time to do my taxes. What would you know, our garage is now spotless. That sudden cleaning, our spotless garage only really sounded like a good idea when I had more pressing things to take care of. I’ve always felt that it was simply a desire to not be in this situation right now. I think we call it procrastination. I do a lot of writing at work. Writing and my creativity as a whole is more personal for me. I know you may have heard me say it before but it is sort of fantasy, used for escapism. Every book that I write gets my full attention. They could be published today if I were to pursue it. I don’t. Still I enjoy having the idea of publishable work. Something that I could show to people even if I never actually do that. At least not outside of a small group of friends.
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Awareness

Meditation? It’s great! I’m less anxious, more aware of my bad habits and it gives me a chance to get totally out of my head. Anxiety was my default state but as I meditated more and more anxious thoughts became much less prevalent and even when I do get anxious I can mindfully refocus on whatever I want to. Something common among people with depression/anxiety is repression of emotions via excessive intellectualization. I lived alone and far away from my family and friends and I find I spend way too much time inside my head, ruminating on things. But meditation has helped me to pull away from that and focus on things that are tangible and right in front of me. The biggest thing it has given me is that most of the time I can turn off most thought pretty easily. The peace and quiet is nice, and it helps me think better when I actually need to. The brain is part muscle just like any other body part. It took me a lot of regular meditation to really hone it down. I started mediating two years ago and have been meditating off and on since then. When I first started I couldn’t close my eyes in a dark room for more than a few minutes, I thought something was going to come for me, I was a frightened and very paranoid person. For me this was the manifestation of my anxiety. The distance from my family and friends and the fact that I was alone came out when the lights were off. It’s the first time I’ve ever observed my brain in action. Since that time meditation has helped grow tremendously and made me realize where a lot of my misguided emotions were coming from. It has brought me into a better place in my life. Meditation provides a much needed time for self-reflection. Whether it was always pursuing a romantic relationship in an effort to replace a perceived void left by the absence of a parent’s affection or letting others take advantage of me emotionally. In today’s world where we’re being pulled a hundred different ways, it’s nice to have some time to sit down and listen what’s going on within ourselves. It’s not all peaches and roses though. I have bad days. Even then, the skills you gain through meditation should help you there. Be aware of your emotions and thoughts, but try not to attach to them nor reject them.